a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.
Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
it is entirely possible that the police will be knocking on the door in 25 minutes
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
do you think she knows her nickname is brickface?
Friend date it is then. Question: Can friends engage in sexual activities after dates?
Ok not good, my info has definitely been submitted to this sugar daddy website before.
I think I just wrote a poem about your penis but it was totally unintentional.
We're listening to space jam. This can only be a good omen.
Fun fact: drinking me now steals weaponry
Well she just asked a sorority girl if she should fuck her floor mate so it's basically like the blind leading the blind
My life. Always pantsless and occasionally topless.
I like that they’re all named Christopher or Chris. No need to worry about moaning during!
Randomize
