i'm forgoing the post-coitus cuddling sesh to ask u this :when he says he loves me and all i can think to say is either "cool" or "i love boning you," what do i do?
i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
Why would you say my penis is small in front of so many people?
Some dude just bet me $8 I couldn't smoke a pack of cigarettes in an hour...It sounds stupid, but I really wanna do it. If I survive, I'll have $8 and it'll look good on my resume.
Just saw a picture of your new tub, cant wait to pee in it
if you don't go out with us, what are you gonna do? you're gonna go home and watch biodome and masturbate to texts from your east coast boyfriend and see the facebook pictures from the party when you wake up.
The extent of my physical activity is running from the cops.
Nothing like a Mormon bachlorette party to make you feel slutty
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
There's just no proper way to thank a man for that many consecutive orgasims.
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
I have no reason to put on pants anymore. This is my new reality.
Woke up with a padlock locked onto my ear gauge and the first of many sticky note clues on my chest leading to the key.
That butt dial turned into a booty call.
Randomize
