Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
hanging out with you guys is like living the wikipedia entry for drugs...not sure i can handle that tonight.
I'm expecting you to come by soon and a magical night of sex and floating on clouds to follow.
Don't. You get on the 18 year old. I'll get on the 38 year old. Together we will bridge 2 decades of cock.
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
im in the post action - pre consequence stage.
I'm at the point where I'm gonna write in my mothers bday card. Happy birthday. Please stop having sex with the door open.
After last night I think its official. Deep down, we like alcohol more than we like women.
New Mean Girls drinking game: Everytime someone says Africa or Math, chug.
I feel like cursing someone's first born child right now. Like I wanna maleficent some bitch.
Totally just railed SuperGirl for my birthday. Best Girlfriend EVER!
I don't think he understands that his kid doesn't bother me. I have a binder full of developmentally appropriate early childhood activities.
Either go for divorced men who are forty plus or stop doing this immediately. You are 23 years old. You need more wine and less baby fever
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
I don't want his dick, I want his flame thrower!!
We've been fucking like crazy ever since she quit her job..ive been running errands all day to stay out of the house and give my dick a day of rest
I hate my life now
Randomize
