My mom foundout about my dui nd just called me to come home. I just took acid like 30 min ago. Wht should i do?
GO HOME AND LIKE EVERYTHING ON COLT'S FACEBOOK UNTIL 2007.
Wtf it's a Friday night?
PRIORITIZE.
I wish I had my own personal Asian lady that lived under my bed so that she could wax my eyebrows and give me a pedicure whenever I wanted.
god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
Well, you're either very drunk or very high but I'll let it slide because I love any type of conversation concerning cheese.
If i come home from court on friday.. i'm definitely doing something illegal.
I will never try to masturbate with americas funniest home videos playing in the background ever again
Realized I'm still to drunk to comprehend work emails. Marked them all as unread. Here's to responsible hang overs.
why did I try to FaceTime with 311 last night?
I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...
I think it says something about my sobriety when I don't notice a Taco Bell wrapper stuck to my ass until I'm in the shower...
I just came so hard I growled. Definitely found my gspot.
I mean obviously I like your dick... Jury is still out on you but your dick is good
Well drunk me was looking out for sober me again, hid the beer and bought another case for me
I'm gonna go take a shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
Randomize
