So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
The money shot is kinda like the "The End" part of a children's book isn't it?
She said she could kiss it, just not put it in her mouth. Because that would be cheating..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY.
Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.
All I'm saying is that whoever owned the wheelchair clearly didn't need it or they wouldn't have been able to leave it there
Less talking, more tequila
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think I should start a match.com profile and put "robe lounging" as my only hobby
fucked a girl in Bentley hall at ten tonight, came on the carpet and I plan on doing it in another building soon. Watch where you walk
I bought something for you today. You'll love it.
What is it? Drugs?
Love these next 4 months. Wake up from a college football hangover and get to put your hand down your pants and watch NFL football all day.
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
Southwest doesn't have zingzang bloody Mary mix. I'm gonna file a complaint with the FAA
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