Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
i stalked him back to the creation of his facebook in november 2008. that bad.
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
I know it's not standard practice to meet the couple you donate to, but i'm curious as to what kind of people saw my picture and said, we want that girl's eggs
This coming from the girl who broke up with a guy because she found out he played the tuba in middle school.
Hey, who is this? Sorry, you're in my phone as "you better remember".
Two drag queens are fighting over me. And yet the night is still getting weirder
Do you remember lying across two tables saying 'go away I'm trying to pull' to me, Sollie and Sean?
Got done with class, now I'm buying MD 2020 with the ex. Sure feels like college.
I need to get all the one night tinders in my system before I move back in with my parents
Listen, I bought the coke that got us those free drinks, okay? Show some respect.
I tried to feed the cat bread. I told her it was the body of Christ. That seemed to work.
You don't have a cat...
Just woke up in a Price Chopper bathroom stall with a half eaten cake on the floor. Had to get a ride from the waitress I made out with. What happened to "Don't let me drink Tequila?"
I lied.
You have a penis. Therefore everything you say is automatically wrong.
Randomize
