put your party hat on. and by party hat I mean no panties
you asked the guy at 7-11 if he remembered when you came in and threw news paper every where... then you did it again
So after i got done, she went over and got out her gecko, I felt like I was in an X rated geiko commercial.
I miss vodka workout Fridays
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
In a cab. Towels everywhere. Confused.
Well, that now makes it the 4th girlfriend in a row to cheat on me. I don't even care anymore...I'll date a prostitute and not even worry.
Sorry about all of the penis things that happened last night.
I caught myself flirting with clients today. Someone needs to take me to pound town before I self destruct. This is a code red. I repeat code red.
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
I just said "I love my cat" as a hobby.
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
Do you remember telling those ppl that they need to mate and give you the baby and in 15 years you will all reunite and it will be a party?
We won like $80 last night at the casino, so if we get the Plan B we still have enough to get your basic bitch latte from Dunkin. Calm down.
You know it's a good May 2-4 when it involves 14 straight hours of vodka slush and garlic bread
Randomize
