Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
I literally just got propositioned by a sugar daddy.
OUR DREAMS ARE BEING REALIZED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
I'm beginning to think the entirety of my appeal is due to the size of my ass.
Yeah, the email that I was sending to get an Escort for the weekend, copied and pasted to my boss, that should be interesting conversation, when I come back from Christmas vacation break.
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
I don't know if I'm dying or this is just a mild inconvenience
Im so unlucky if I fell in a barrel of dicks, I'd come our sucking my thumb
Randomize
