Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
Dude, I just saw a bird vs. squirrel fight. A car won.
He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
I'm eating lunch next to a table of beautiful culturally-diverse women chattering away happily. It's like sitting next to a Yaz commercial.
Double fisting Gray Goose bottles. We've officially ruined her.
She recited Pi throughout ever orgasm she had....she said it was a game she likes to play...how far she gets is how she judges her lovers...I am oddly turned on by this...
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
Beer, water, beer, water, beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer so much beer
Well I woke up naked, with a santa hat on, and a bag of beef jerky next to me. So yeah, I would say it was a pretty successful trolley
she walked through the crowd, completely naked, slapped a pool attendant in the face and stole the towel he was carrying. she used it to dry her hair.
Unless it has to do with ramen, goldfish, cheese, or rugby, don't talk to me.
Randomize
