The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
Just joined the godiva rewards club. Who's the fat friend now.
i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
I decided to buy a keg of Miller Lite instead of paying the electric bill. Just thought I'd give you a heads up...
In college, I had one standard. Penis. A lot has changed since then. Now I really only have one standard. Breathing.
He's def the type to chop us into bits whilst screaming "NAPA BITCH". AKA my type
High me just had to pick the lock on my sisters room because I locked my vodka in there. I love vacation.
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
I'm busy watching infomercials. I'd say I'll join you later, but I'm doing a shot every time they demonstrate how difficult life is WITHOUT this product. So I doubt I'll be able to walk in another... Maybe 40 minutes.
But feel free to join! A new infomercial starts in 12 minutes.
I'm about 95% it's a collapsed lung. Go big right?
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she cant stop having the shits.
Randomize
