I mean don't get me wrong, vaginas are terrifying, they look so sneaky with all their layers and secret compartments and trap doors
His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
I woke up pulling sunflower seeds out of my vagina. That kind of night.
Does the whole "it was New Years" excuse apply this year?
i mad aa ber float. budweiser nd ice creem. it amzig.
After i black out, be a good friend and point me to the direction of a girl with daddy issues, any girl would do just fine
Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature?
Just got a blowjob from a coed in exchange for saving her an iPhone 5 when I get them in stock. Sometimes it's awesome to be a Verizon employee.
Buying a pregnancy test at Walmart in the middle of the night in the middle of Tennessee is not really how I imagined my 25th year on this planet starting out...
Nothing too major over here lately. Just had a date with an ex-internet porn star turned lawyer. He said: "at my 3rd burning man I taught a workshop on BDSM" and I knew it was going to be a fun night.
Sorry for trying to wake you up by slapping your ass with a fruit 2 go.
just found a joint on the street in downtown. smoked it with the hot guy from my chem class
WHAT IS UP WITH YOU SMOKING/ DRINKING THINGS OFF THE GROUND?
You turned down sex for fried cheese??
My penis and doctor won't be happy with me, but come on. Fried cheese!
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