The bar is filled with bros right now. Sucks I had to pay $5 to find that out.
I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
ill find time for any girl whos not afraid to grab my junk in front of 100 people
just got super drunk mixing jägermeister with my lyme disease meds. even if my face goes paralyzed, at least i got smashed from it.
These People Made Expensive Mistakes That They’ll Regret Forever
The bathroom is trashed. Someone took down all the rings of the shower curtain and Scott threw up on the curtain liner. All the soap and shampoo is in the guest bedroom and the lightbulbs are in a drawer. And there are vom footprints.
You should see the damage i did to the apartment last night. So many broken things and butter sticks stuck to windows.No memorys
I don't think the car's salesman understands that I am about to vomit on him.
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
I'm going to a foam party and gonna grind someones dick off hayy
Things The Opposite Sex Just Doesn’t Understand
I got woken up by a construction worker, turns out I was laying in a hallway, naked and wrapped in a matress pad. To answer your question no, I did not study for this test I got David Hasselhoff drunk
Would you wanna look up as you cum and for a split-second see your dad?
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
We're lying on the pavement outside of the college. No one has asked if we're okay. I think they all understand.