I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
it was worse than that time i tried giving evan head 4 days post nose job.
i just google searched 'can you pop your ovary'
Is all white too much for court to prove my innocents?
These 33 Eskimo Brothers Boinked The Same Person And Couldn’t Be More Proud
i'm pregaming while finishing a paper on cardio myocyte contractility in mice. i'm kicking finals week's ass right now
We were in the shower and he sat down an wouldn't do anything. I'm so glad he manscapes. It made washing his balls less awkward.
You poured your drink on yourself and then said "it's not a party until I'm wet"
Who wouldn't want a man who can knock a guy out but also loves the bachelor.
It's the best of both worlds
I got head this morning from the 31-year-old version of Jenn. It was like a blow job from the future while a simultaneous blast from the past for 10 minutes.
17 Inappropriate Things People Did With Instruments
Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
I might have snap chatted him. So here's what I need you to do. Find him. Abduct him. Get his phone. View the chat so he can't. Then, buy him ice cream. He deserves ice cream.
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
Question for you. Do you want to go out somewhere or do you want to have sloppy joes at my house? That's not a euphemism for anything; I actually have stuff to make sloppy joes
When you're trying to sneak from the bathroom to your room with dildo, but it glows in the dark and suddenly your entire life is illuminated in the shape of dick
New drinking game, drink every time Rhianna says "Work" in her new song.