I've decided through careful research we can out drink any country folk.
my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
I made a vision board specifically for the purpose of boning john mayer.
I promise you I could read that dogs mind, he was arguing with the other dog saying he knows how fucked up I am
Maybe it was silver. I don't know. I was drunk sifting through my dogs vomit.
Night. I'll wake u up at 6 with the unfinnished vodka bottle so be prepared young grasshoper. U have much to learn.
WTF YOU SHOULDNT BREAK A SWEAT TAKING A SHIT. MY BODY HATES ME.
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
Neat. I'm thinking about growing a handlebar muffstache. What are your thoughts on this?
Can I write your parents a thank-you note for your huge dick?
I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase.
You gift wrapped a tampon.
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
He sent me a dick pic, and it had smeared lipstick on it. So I sent him the pic of my tit with the hickey ring your brother gave me.
BABE I MISS YOU SO MUCH LIKE THE SADNESS OVERWHELMS BONER ABILITY