So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?
23 Roommates Share Secrets Their Roomie Thinks They Don’t Know
So my OCD kicked in and I cleaned his kitchen. His roommates were so grateful, they tried to pay me in weed.
YOU ACCEPTED, RIGHT?
I'll start choreographing the sperm rain dance now
How am I?!! The turkey is dry as shit, I'm watching football in low def and there's no beer b/c everyone is in aa. Fuck giving thanks.
The nurse who handed me my discharge papers underlined and highlighted do not consume alcohol while on my painkiller its like she knows me.
Well at least it wasn't the first time I threw up out of a second story window
29 Cringeworthy Situations People Realized They Shouldn’t Be In
there's a strong possibility i came on your eyeliner last night bathroom sex was unplanned and rather messy sorry
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
YOU'RE FORCING ME TO BLOW A GUY BY NOT ANSWERING MY CALLS
If the fate of the world hinged on some chubby girl getting laid, the president would dispatch me with a fifth of Jameson immediately and then rest easy.
Brought some lesbians back to the light side of the force
Just threw up in the trash can at my desk. I guess "beating the hangover" eventually leads to this.