I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
All the good ones are taken. All that's left is the Harry Potter geek or the asshole in the corner. I think I'll settle for Harry Potter.
and my herpes radar will keep us safe
Its the Friday before break. There are 20 kids in my 300 person lecture hall. All with the same what the fuck am I doing here look on there face.
27 Signs That Someone Will Probably Be Bad At Sex
I can actually hear my brain cells scream as they die when she speaks.
woke up to an overdrawn credit card. did you order the dawsons creek boxset last night?
i hope so.
she told me her two favorite things were grocery stores and dick.
so im gonna ask for shark week off tomorrow at work and i advise you do the same
he told me he was a chubby chaser.. then winked. i'm signing up for a gym pass as we speak
23 Proposal Horror Stories You Won’t Believe
normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
I woke up this morning covered in blood and peanut butter. I am now safe from vampires with nut allergies.
You're the reason I lose Never Have I Ever
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
Sorry this is the worst night of your life and that you're being a baby about it.