Last night I fell down in the street (I think in someone's vomit), cut my knee up, lost my moms necklace and my license, and had to walk back to the hotel.
He wants to be 'in an open relationship'. Fuck that. That's the online equivalent of letting him pee in a circle around me.
to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
Meh. People are people bro. All of us are hairless psychotic apes. Happy 420.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
NO I WOULD NOT GET A GUMMER FROM A GRANDMOTHER
That's not a current picture, because if you look deep enough into my eyes you can still see morals. Not these days.
if i don't get grease into my system pronto i will undoubtedly die
I'm writing off my condom expenses in my taxes
I almost wanna stick a tampon in and sneeze bent over to see if it actually shoots out
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sorry I trained your dog in Spanish last night. At least he listens to someone now.
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
Now i know i wasnt that drunk... So why are there texts of me volunteering for a nude photo shoot for an art major student?
GOD DAMN IT I COULD HAVE HAD A MOTHERFUCKING 3 WAY LAST NIGHT. WHY BOOZE, WHY?!
Oh btw, ur tongue should count as a second cock it's that good
If I hear the phrase 'these unprecedented times' one more time I'm putting my foot up someone's ass.
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