I may not go down in history, but i will definitely go down on your little sister.
Sweet. Might not hurt to poop on the floor anyway.
Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
I love how adderall is equivalent to money on a college campus. just got a ride home and paid the driver in adderall...yeeah buddy
He doesn't make grammatical errors. Even while getting head.
Oh my god I'm so bored. The virgin is so disinteresting when I'm not trying to cum on her face.
She interrupted us having sex in the tent by threatening to kill us if we "got cum on the lasanga."
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
Im drinking ciroc out of an ice cream cone... my night is going fantastic
I think it's god's punishment for my behavior in Vegas . Lies were told. Angels were defiled. Pools were pissed in
I DON'T EVEN KNOW ONE MINUTE IM SITTING HER THE NEXT IM FLYING PASSED THE MOON
PISSING MYSELF IN ZERO GRAVITY
THOSE AIN'T STARS U SEE TONIGHT GURL
all i tweeted was "emergency this is not a drill" and he immediately texted me asking if this was a subtle booty call…it was
This is even better than the wine from my laundry basket
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
Something in me snapped and now I’m just googling famous vegans.
Randomize
