need another drink. this is the easiest way
Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
it wasn't sex, it was awkward naked time.
why is it whenever you puke in the park there are always little kids on the swings?
dude skip the party. it is a fucking post office here
what the hell does that mean?
nothing good but a whole lotta male and packages
I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
I don't like sad things. I do like drinking though
You get 5 min
Your time limits don't scare me, I'll include foreplay and redressing in that 5 min. If you wanted to challenge me you should say you got an hour, id be scared then and more creative.
WHITE RUSSIAN BREAKFAST CEREAL.
He tried to break dance on the island in the kitchen and ended up knocking over everyone's alcohol onto the floor then yelled "GUCCI" before vomiting
Y'know i appreciate how accepting you are of me being a terrible person.
Damn it. Can't order pizza. Can't do the hot tub. No one to invite over for loud, kinky sex. What's the point of being here alone?!
He saved that picture of my boobs for good luck romance still exists
Are you vicariously golddigging through me?!
He a gives rim jobs, because, of course a guy who opens doors and makes reservations would lick your anus..like a gentleman.
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