My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
I really don't understand how I cannot figure out how to work a fucking can opener when I'm hungover. Yet I still retained the ability to take a perfectly symmetrical picture of my erect penis and send it to every person in Matt's contacts the night before.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think you blew it when you asked her "Do you look good naked too, Or is it just the bra?"
I tried calming him down but his eyes are rolling to the back of his head and he's yelling "COMA WEED!"
He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
Hey. I thought you were saving your 80s playlist til marriage.
Sudden memory flashback: drunk me outside ripping my tampon out and throwing it into the neighbors yard, silently cheering 'time for sexxxx'. I sense a dangerous pattern emerging
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Claiming territory at this party means signing a girls ass...I've got dibs on a blonde
Jesus these cramps...it's like every potential fetus I swallowed last night is personally punching me in the uterus
I didn't even know this guy existed until he'd had his hands down my pants, so I just went with it.
I'm at a loss. By loss I mean singing songs from Wicked and pretending I'm at the Oscars
if by making eggnog you mean drinking all the spiced rum, then yes, she's making eggnog
I think someone shaved off all their pubes in the handicap stall or a werewolf stopped by the office to take a crAzy dump!
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