sitting in my room eating a boneless rib tv dinner, and listening to taylor swift's love story, and i sharted. had to finish the ribs and hear the end of the song before i went to the bathroom to wipe.
It must have been true love
I don't call true love eating a bag of doritos and then going down on each other
This guy behind me is answering all of her questions. I may give him a lapdance to take my next test for me
I wish I has some fucking Fairy God Parents, I want a kit kat so bad.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
there's a guy on campus handing out business cards. you pay him to see if your girlfriend will cheat. the company name is "tying up loose ends"
so, not only did she give him head while i was asleep next to them, apparently, it was bad head...
Are you serious?
yeah... as often as she does that, you'd think she'd be good at it...
are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
Things I just found under my covers: protein bar, string cheese, vibrator.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Please come home, i don't want to feel like basket garbage girl but I'm in your alleyway and not sure how to change that.
Dude are you wearing a trashbag right now?....
I seemed to have misplaced my pants...
I didn't know your ex looked like a male Khloe Kardashian?
What was the name of that sleazy asshole I'm not allowed to sleep with?
The last time I saw you you got angry and yelled "WHISKEY DOESNT COUNT" ... I think that's at least a 7 on the hotmess scale.
Theres a free llama on craigslist. Are you in or are you in?
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