Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
I got a Cease & Desist email from NBC for downloading Bruno. I am not going down for gay porn.
Youre at medical school. Im eating raw cookie dough, pickles, and orange juice. Naked. On a monday afternoon. I clearly make better life choices than you.
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You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
Did you bedazzle the elevator?
I'm riding shot gun after Shawn took a dump in a happy meal box because we were making record time.
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
Check the bible. I hear he keeps his weed in leviticus.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You were walking away to pee and as you were undoing your belt you looked at me and said "the belt is off. the game is on. Remever that."
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
Today's hangover is probably top 3 of all time. Just threw up in an envelope. I'm on the ferry and didn't want to get out to puke over the side because I thought I might fall in the river.
I like your optimism Chelsea but I'm not about getting my salad tossed
I've finally done it. I finally achieved my lifelong goal of becoming that awkward lesbian in high school who went on to have sex with more women than any of her male classmates.
She ripped her shorts off and yelled "VAGINA TIME!"
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