can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
i stapled my math hw together with an ear ring, too ghetto?
You lit the bowl with a rolled up paper towel that you ignited on the stove.
just got off the metro to throw up and got back on like it ain't no thang
really making moves this morning i see
Doing blow at 6am to "wake myself up for clinicals" was a baaaaad idea
We played strip Bananagrams and I won. Thank fuck I read a lot as a child.
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
and lets be real... who can blow a middle school class's sunday school teacher and keep a straight face ever again? NOBODY.
I had fun watching you interact with the world around you. Like a fuckin 8 year old kid who just discovered build a bear but really wants a cigarette.
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
I was weirded out when the chunky goth girl and her boyfriend both started eyeing me and wanted to by me a drink.
Do you know how hard it is to give a bj in your dead grandmothers car
this place is dumb. no one understands my Sunday morning alcoholism here.
I got high and had sex with reindeer antlers on. It was magical and animalistic. Tia the season.
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
Randomize
