Dude, way to rack up $80 in pornos in the hotel room last night, and not tell me before I got blindsided at check out.
Heh. Guess I ordered some porno last night. Heh.
hey sry I lost all my numbers who is this?
pat the guy you slept with
still need a last name
I'm drinking bacardi out of her mom's eco-green starbucks mug and chasing it with her sister's "for track only" vitamin water. Hello suburbia
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
I am stoned and listening to the Olympics music I downloaded on Saturday. Best 6 dollars I have ever spent.
I need to stop getting in the car with my dad when im rolling balls. I think he's starting to notice my eyes aren't usually completely pupil
Currently sitting in the movie theatre bathroom while she gives him a blowjob in the parking lot. Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend.
the bandages come off on Tuesday. we can try out my new breasts then.
Aside from the possibility of pregnancy, I'm going to call last night a raging success.
Btw his name is Woody. I must be really drunk to think this is a good situation
We made out and he didn't grope me. I liked it. I felt like I was innocent again.
There's a stripper getting there at 10 though so hopefully I'm out before the stripper gets there. I don't have time to deal with a stripper.
For a man with no legs he was surprisingly good at doggy style.
I don't know whether to high-five you or stage an intervention.
He came on my face and he was genuinely concerned about getting it in my hair. I'm marrying him.
I still hate everything and everyone around me. Krampus taught me nothing.
Randomize
