Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
i just want his dick, seriously i'm about to take trifiling lessons. we'll call my alter-ego blair and she will screw his brains out, girlfriend or not.
explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
on a brighter note, the strip club found my atm card
It was also my first failed attempt at shower sex.
When he goes down on me, he stares me in the eyes like a shark mocking it's prey as it devours it. Plus, his beard smells like dirty gym socks. This has got to end.
It was kicking off big time until you crawled out the bar on your hands and knees. Nobody wanted to mess with that.
He came over and watched the USA game with me, fucked me so good my toe cramped, then made my bed this morning before he left. Thank God for Army rangers
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
apparently I got pissed off that no one would let me spray them with a bottle of champagne at midnight of the new year. so I sprayed myself with one shirtless in the near freezing cold outside
He told us a story about a time his 80 year old uncle karate chopped a dick in a glory hole.
How don't you remember..? You were getting handfuls of skittles out from our bra screaming TASTE THE RAINBOW.
Turns out tits aren't quite as effective an enticement when they know for a fact that they can't touch.
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Randomize
