Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
Just saw a squirrel crossing the road in a crosswalk..my morning has improved exponentially.
not sure what to think.... picked her up and her dad says "if you take her home, you'll regret it"
his semen tasted like maple syrup. no wonder fat girls always wanna fuck him.
Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
She made out with the kickboxers bf. She was just asking to get kicked in the head. In the middle of the bar.
I wasn't vocally whispering "she wants to bite your dick off" about that kirsten girl was I?
Im not coming back to that place until im drunk. If I walk in there sober Ill start screaming uncontrollably. Not words, just sounds.
Vegas is great, yelled at a guy 4 lanes over if he wanted a bj. ended up having sex in a vacant lot. I think he was homeless.
There is naked swordfighting and something green and alcoholic going on in the basement. COME. OVER. NOW.
Oh, cold wet seat on the 48! Are you piss? Are you the sweaty ass leavings of an obese person? Are you the spilled King Cobra from the night before? I do not know! I dare not smell to find out... Pants ruined...
I'm sorry your Amazon says buttplugs now
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
yeah we're all naked, and I think we just shaved Chad.
Randomize
