anyone who has a picture of a ferrari with the caption "mAh DreAM caR" is getting denied as my facebook friend.
Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
My professor just gave everyone in the class extra credit... except for the kid wearing the Cubs hat
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
What if I told you that I had 160 ounces of cheap malt liquor in my backpack? Espn films 40 for 40s presents: Edward 40 hands. Our room. 11PM/10 central
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
Omg that was my second thought of the morning.
First was that we had pop tarts.
I wanted lighthearted conversation about ordering bulk condoms and anal lube but he's depressed and talking about god hating him, ugh
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
A 'Bear Fight' is a car bomb followed by a Jaeger bomb. Fuckface and I do those on slow days. Tonight, we did a 'Polar Bear on Fire'. Fireball, a bear fight in the middle, and end with rumple minze.
I made friends at the beach bars tonight. Several were worried for my well being.
Leaving Denver airport I just saw a group of young Republicans in matching green T-shirts that said "4/20 Baby!"
I want to start a guest book for my bed room so when dudes leave they can write a review
I like that you're more concerned about how I would find the time to clone you, than the fact that I have your blood.
DO NOT PREHEAT THE OVEN THIS MORNING! WE STARTED USING IT AS A WINE STASH AROUND MIDNIGHT.
Randomize
