Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.
Note to self: never do anything I don't want to explain to a paramedic
Totally using formspring as an incognito way of making sure that girl from last night wasn't jailbait.
oh my god i'm in a crawl space
I'll be spending 4/20 on a cruise ship, so i need a babysitter to make sure I don't reenact Titanic
make sure nobody uses the downstairs toilet. i like to have an unused toilet for the weekends. dont shit where you puke i always say.
Oh, and i love you too. Im just a selfish dick who had to talk about myself first
Lesson learned. Kayak oars are not golf clubs....check
I don't even know man. I was to busy having beer showered on me and grabbing some balls
Besides he said his dick was as big as a loaf of bread and that it was broken. So I was like u have half a head of hair and a broken dick that looks like bread. No thanks. Im good.
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
Would you still love me if my nipple fell off?
Idk if I deserve a medal or a one way ticket to hell
Who cares if he’s younger, he’s hung like a moose. Your vagina will never forgive you if you pass on that dick
Randomize
