this just has baby written all over it
Hey, I can't get ahold of Tommy. Let him know his ex-girlfriend is pregnant.
she's using the space heater to try to heat up a pop-tart...
I dunno. Last time I went there I had got sexually propositioned by a Belgian prince.
We are hot boxing the gondola
I hate everything.
trying to figure out why the only thing in our freezer is an expired loaf of bread, a white t shirt, and a receipt from taco bell for 37.50 from last Friday
yeah the cable guy is coming and everybody is hiding all the pieces in the house. we are up to thirty two. like a fun game of smokable scavener hunt.
I like the wholesome side of you
I'm so goddamned horny I could use all my pent up energy to tear a redwood out by its roots.
Last night was a "wash hands with dog shampoo" kind of night
If I show up to the mall alone looking like I do to purchase a vibrator and some Japanese food, I would judge me too.
Did I send you a naked snap the other day with a fat blunt in my mouth with the caption "$1200 bitches!" ?
okay yeah but you've seen me eat jambalaya naked
I want falafel more than sex right now. That's really saying something for me...
I'm eating Arby's in the bathtub because I'm an adult and I do what I want
i can feel my liver failing just LOOKING at that thing
Randomize
