I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
it seems that i get a boner from just about everything now
I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
hahahahaha your sister just walked down from the guest house with a stain on the front of her shirt and "owned" written in blue sharpie on her forehead. i dont think she knows what happened last night either.
so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
im kinda looking forward to winter break. ive been away from home for so long i think i can trick my vagina into thinking that these arent the same people ive been hooking up with since high school...
you kept looking at stripers and saying " Go to College"
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
I passed out drunk and Jane had created a picnic on my chest. I had chips and a hamburger laid out on my boobs. The only reason I woke up is she was trying to feed me too.
The only thing worse than being hungover is being hungover and not able to open your mouth wide enough to eat a cheeseburger
I just smoked a bowl alone and took my Zyrtec here's to a full night.
I'd climb him like a horny MILF spider monkey.
OH MY GOD I AM DYING. AS I WAS TEXTING I JUST BUMPED INTO A MOTHER FUCKING DEER. I AM SHAKING
Wait...Literally? You hit a deer...with your body?!
I PHYSICALLY RAN INTO IT. I FELT ITS WEIRD HAIR AND I EVEN APOLOGIZED CAUSE IT DINDT REGISTER THAT IT WASNT A PERSON. MORTIFIED.
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