Oh i forgot. I hit on a mentally challenged girl too.
My phone auto-corrects smirnoff to poisoned. I think it is trying to tell me something.
you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
I remember sucking his bleeding finger and then it's all black until he had his hand down my pants.
Well if it makes you feel any better I threw up at Roadhouse. And then on the way to the train. And then in a water fountain. And then in a plastic bag on the train.
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
I might be a bit. I accidently started hot boxing the bathroom. I'm just gonna go with it.
mallory made a planned parenthood decision maker flow chart again.
I mean there is a rehab there so its gotta be a good time
Nothing says Merry Christmas like gifting a bottle of rum and finishing it yourself then leaning over at the dinner table to puke it back up.
eating chex mix on the couch when he walks in naked and asks how he looks. are you shitting me.
somehow a ride to walgreens turned into a threesome.
after stripping the bed and soaking it with the "pet spot remover" I have, I decided in the best interest of my mattress and our drunk friends bladders, i should invest in rubber sheets.
So...I know we have a conversation later this week. But one of the key things I want to know is if I can specify having my body mummified and buried in Egypt (or at least nearby the Luxor in Vegas). How much money do you think that would cost? Do I need to increase my life insurance policy?
Randomize
