Is it socially acceptable to order two burrito bowls?
anything's socially acceptable if you do it with enough confidence
I don't know where my bra went.
Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.
I can't tell if I miss summer or 5 times a day sex more.
We already established this. No, he did not cum on the dog.
2nd semester senior, always drunk. at this point if i don't get a good parking spot, i turn around and drive home
I got a phone call from security asking me to do my laundry wearing more than a blanket next time.
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
we got kicked out of her coke dealer's house when we wouldn't stop quoting "a league of their own"
communist
The wizard has you scheduled for a 6am sex breakfast
I'm so there
Came home plastered at 8am. Roommate had hot glued all the ashtrays and various items to their surfaces. Couldn't handle it. Went back to the bar.
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
No matter how long you've been away, there's nothing quite like pooping at your parents' house
just so you know they found you begging for money at the L station. What the fuck did you drink last night?
Dude, I'm sorry if you saw me getting head in my truck last night. My bad.
He’s exactly what I’m looking for: he’s got a broken heart, a working penis and a new boat!!!
Randomize
