life just isnt the same w/o real world cancun
What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
gave myself the "you're a really good girlfriend" talk on the way to where i intentionally cheated on him. i am my own drunken therapist.
I'm pregaming for my hair cut. Working two jobs definately taught me how to use my time wisely...
Seriously? We dated for 2 weeks. TWO. And I've crushed his soul and put out the light in his dark world? What the actual fuck.
Yeah, well. That's what you get for dating a musician.
I got Pilsbury cinnamon rolls for us to have tomorrow, but I don't have the willpower to leave them in my fridge overnight, so I am eating them all and getting us more in the morning
I love you more by the minute
The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it.
We need to talk about your improper dealings with the town drug dealer.
It was an all night sausage fest and I was the lady of honor.
I just used a box o wine to refill a bottle o wine to more effectively drunk clean
My sex toys have been held in customs for almost a month now. They're British, what the hell?!?
They made me leave the maternity ward, how do I get back in?
Met the hot new neighbor. She's into country music and giving really good bjs. Latter made up for the former.
I just woke up naked in a bed with your brother. WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED TO NOT LETTING EACH OTHER DO STUPID THINGS?
You fucked my brother?!
Maybe I’ll just go to the party as myself
What, a homewrecker?
Touché
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