I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
It's Friday. Sex?
Just found out Brianna Frost the Pornstar goes to my school. Makes that $35,000 tuition that more valuable.
how did he go about obtaining bull sperm?
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
I'm going to make a mold of my tits to bake a cake for him for our anniversary.. I can see the pride in his eyes now.
I joked that if anyone could fuck a 35 year old woman while wearing head bands and arm sweat bands it's you and look what happens.
Is it bad if one of my goals right now is to snort blow through a licorice?
Don't answer that. It is bad.
he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
THIS IS A FLATMATE WARNING! The white powder next to sink is washing powder I spilled and is not meant for human comsumption. I repeat- do not digest, snort or smoke the white powder next to the sink!!!!
I like how she'll post a picture on Instagram with her boyfriend and 2 hours later you'll send me a snap of her panties on your rear view mirror
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
SHE MASTURBATED TO THE THOUGHT OF ME HAVING AN ALL DUDE THREESOME WITH HER EX BOYFRIENDS.
I slept like a rock because of your dick. I'll thank him personally later.
Fuck my life he IS a stripper, Ive been sleeping with a stripper named Phoenix. damnit, I knew the sex was too good
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