My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work.
If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
yo everyone went to the hospital last night
I'm currently using two paint brushes as chopsticks to eat lasagna.... college.
You were humming mission impossible as we ran from the cops
Call me when you get off. I have stories about black lesbians in jail begging to braid my hair...
No. Her boobs are the one spot of warmth in my life right now and I will not let you take them from me.
I drank butter last night, who am I to judge?
I'd say things got weird when I started doing lines of molly in the box.
The family next to you was not pleased
Me hangover (as projected). That sounds like a plan. Ill do it for Mexico
I mean, you have to swipe right on someone you had sex with last week though, right?
He was really cute! And I know but it's just like getting my fix ya know? He's basically a human vibrator.
They're giving you narcotics aren't they?
If I offered to share would you come visit me?
When was the last time you got laid?
When was the last time you came home sober?
touche
Randomize
