I'm timing the release of my poops to the sound of the machine gun from the video game he's playing in the living room.
If I've learned one thing today? Blow jobs get you to state championships.
Alright. Who did it? Who's bangin' the ump?
"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
He busted his lip while trying to keep from passing out in the pool. The hotel people don't seem to be too concerned that we're passing around a bottle of SoCo at 11 am.
I'm sorry the first time we hungout you had to witness me throw up in the ocean then army crawl to shore.
So you met him?
More like I walked in on him, drunk, naked, and doing "bathtub yoga". Please stop bringing your dates home.
Just so you know, your wedding is in the same place I gave my first bj.
Wake your sexy ass up. It's donut time.
Please call us Steph is okay but missing phone wallet tooth
What kind of sociopath goes to sleep at 9pm when I clearly need attention
I feel like sleeping with foreign people is a long term investment. It's like a time share. Now when I go to London I have a place to stay.
Definitely accidentally brought drugs into Disneyland. Considering using them.
Let the clothes fall where they may.
Jarrod's passed out on the chair with a cup of milk and I've been staring him down in an attempt to use telepathy to make him spill it. Attempts unsuccessful.
I went to a swingers party and came home with a boyfriend. I love my life.
Randomize
