dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
I just watered my plants with apple juice. Look what you made me do.
I stole a road cone for their 13 yr old son. Apparently I told him to put Christmas lights on it, and "treat her like a lady."
nothing says new school year like ambulances and police road blocks.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
It's either my own vomit or popcorn butter in my ear right now. Banking on the second one.
We made popcorn last night. So it's both
Waking up to find your mom holding your birth control pills and telling you I suggest you take this
I am so excited I do not know how I will sleep.
It's like the Christmas morning of dicks
I can't stop drooling did you spike my drink?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just walked in on him banging another girl. He told me " sorry but I'm gonna finish now that I'm caught" ...... I think this is the reason god gave me four older brothers....
Can you please stop fucking every bartender in the city? Just once I want to have a Jack and Coke without fielding questions about your availability.
Bro I just got a hand job playing tiny wings.. Hell yea
That was before I lit my hair on fire
Did you apologize to him for the trip to the strip club as a first date or is that something that just gets swept under the rug??
We left an ass print on the conference room table, but I don’t think anyone caught on
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