I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
It's been over a month and I still can't find the bra I wore out on new years eve.
My financial advisor filed my girlfriend's abortion under "investments" so my wife wouldn't find out
Apparently she got a minor consumption for using vodka soak tapmons
Does that work!! Please say yes
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
The site I use to study flash cards keeps showing ads for truck companies hiring drivers. It's like the site is saying "hey, we all know there's no hope for you, just give up and Become a truck driver."
That is was cool to fuck the single mother accross the street until every girl i bring home gets the car keyed.
also somebody did cough syrup and i was really worried but i couldn’t express why properly so i was like MACKLEMORE SAYS NO
I'm about to have a threesome at the hotel where I had my quinceañera. Becoming a woman under this roof for the second time, whaaat
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I may or may not be setting up an encounter with a foot fetishist just because I'm curious.
well all i have to say, besides fuck you, is YOU try assembling ikea shelves while high on molly.
I'm a stupid stupid woman who is totally going to rock this holiday season dick drunk on that Ginger
It’s just hard to believe you really care about me when u haven’t touched my dick in 2 months
We decided it was a good idea to go streaking through the campus. Everything was fine until the sprinklers turned on and we realized the keys were in his pocket.
I wouldn't have found her if it wasn't for the vomit trail leading into my brother's room.
Randomize