He kept asking me to take off my bra and I sat up so he could. He fumbled with it for a few minutes and when I sighed and went to undo it he goes, "Yeah, you got this."
People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
Literally just stood in the shower and forgot what to do. that hungover.
can't make this up: he's writing lyrics for the musical reenactment of how he met her @ an anime convention to perform at their wedding. yes, there'll also be dance routines involved.
On a side note I think I burnt my eyebrow when we "teter-totered" into the fire
And all I wanted you to do is stand there and sing who let the dogs out.
WHY DIDN'T YOU INVITE ME TO RUN THROUGH TACO BELL'S SPRINKLERS AT 4AM?!
did the fire alarm go off at the party last night I kind of remember a fire alarm noise
omg omg i ripped it out of the ceiling omg
Only I could host a baby shower where the cops get called.
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
Know what I do when I'm in that mood? Whenever anyone talks to me I just hiss like a cat. They go away.
I was telling my friend about your penis and the only word I could think of was voluptuous. You have a voluptuous dick.
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
You ask too many questions when I'm blowing you. You're like a dentist asking how my day has been during a cleaning.
We were drunk waiting for tacos and I gave him a handy in the back of the Uber while giving the driver relationship advice. I think I'm handling the whole grad school thing alright.
Randomize
