Shaq going to Cleveland; Vince Carter to the Magic; Michael Jackson, Farrah Fawcett, and Ed McMahon die.... ARMAGEDDON IS UPON US!!!!!
You threw a bottle at the bartender and then stole his tip jar. However, you were quickly KO'd by the bartender. Solid right hook.
I love when I'm alone in the house. It's like pants were never invented.
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
yea, there's something about a stripper whipping you with your own belt that makes you think
are you still mad that doritos made their way into my sex life
.....a litte
I never should have let my cousin and his pregnant girlfriend move in with me. I'm never having sex again. They scare off men more than 'my dream wedding' pin board.
You're the only person I know who could blow literal chunks, laugh about it, then proceed to shotgun another beer. Love you champ.
I thought I was invisible, then some guy flashed his high beams at me and I realized my lights weren't on...not invisible.
PLEASE. I won't throw up on the floor this time. Or fuck in the bathroom. Or dance on the pool table. So PLEASE.
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
lost my vibrator and now I have to masturbate manually. The struggle is fucking real.
If you hear death cries, thats me singing. Just let me be.
First time a guy goes down on me and his dog had its head on my knee the whole time. I swear it was judging me.
He was a Cher impersonator. They are the draggest of queens
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