you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
I just threw up in my hands while sitting on the toilet
so exactly what does one wear to an abortion clinic?
This is going to be BYOBM Vegas trip: Bring Your Own Bail Money.
So yeah you need to stop having near death experiences at McDonalds.
He tells me he loves me and I say I just want him for sex, then he looks at me like I just said I hate puppies. What kind of guy is he?
We found him sitting in a beach chair in the basement storage room passed out. Idk if we should move him or pass the bowl around.
You need to braveheart it on Monday. Blue face paint and a loin cloth screaming freedom in your front yard.
Someone just bought me a one liter long island and call me maybe is on. I'm going to die
It doesn't feel like real life when you open your hotel room door and the first person you see is wearing a rabbit costume. I'm too hungover for this.
Gay bathhouses. They're actually a thing. So god does exist. And he doesn't hate me as much as you think he does
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
You just get me
I'm the wind beneath your wings, bitch
Not sure if I should ask if I can have my underwear back or just avoid that all together.
Ugh. All the good hoes are in their third trimester.
Randomize
