That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
Whoever decided putting Tom Seizmore and Heidi Fleiss together in rehab should win some kind of award.
doing lines of blow through a tampon applicator in the study lounge at 7am so i can finish an italian composition that was due a week and a half ago...such a good student.
He put crushed up bacon in the joint and now we're listening to the Matilda soundtrack I have no idea what's going on
Queso dip and pictures of Daniel's penis. It's like the last days of Rome over here.
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
I am a murderer. I ran over so many baby frogs. I wanted to stop and pick some up to take home, but all I have is a wine bottle. I'd hate to explain that to a cop.
I think we've entered a low point in our relationship when I'm sending you pictures of pubic hair designs "because they're funny"
I'm so incredibly high right now the fact I am texting is nothing short of miraculous. Call the Pope. Hell make me Saint Roy, patron of stoners.
I don't know if I want to fuck him or punch him in the face.
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
She was crying and pulled the collar of her shirt up to blot the tears. And then she just kept her head there. And stopped crying. "My boobs are just too amazing for me to cry." her words not mine please help she's still in that position
Found your bra
Where?
Hanging in the tree
what a classic moment of my life. A buffet of taco bell and a taser gun.
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
Randomize
