can't decide if i want to get drunk or coked for this harry potter thing.. it is kind of long
aren't you going with children?
gail simmons from food & wine magazine just heard me order my plan b pill
did you ask her what wine to pair it with?
They should make Jack Daniels chap stick
heey were did you guys go? last time i remember seeing you i was throwing up in the fountain
dude, when you're random girl from last night came down the stairs this morning she fell all the way down. I laughed. She just walked out. I hope shes ok. Tell her I give her a 10 for that landing though.
the only good thing about these hospital visits are the free pregnancy tests
I remember desperately screaming that I love my life and running in zig zags all the way home
I was changing in front of my window and my neighbor text me saying, "nice pubes."
I sobered up and saw I was with the fat one and you had left laughing with the hot one. You're a terrible wingman, but an excellent manipulator
No, it wasn't really a sexy 'I'm going to go masturbate.' It was an 'I'm going to go masturbate' that implied I was going to drink a tall boy of Mikes and cry while I looked at lesbian porn.
We got high and watched Winnie the Pooh. Isn't that what every normal person does on their break?
So...I maybe walked across campus last night with my life size Joe Biden cut out.
How was the tequila? Are you making bad decisions yet?
Why is there a trampoline for sale in my front yard?
I HATE BEING THIS HIGH FML IT'S LIKE I'M MAKING UP FOR ALL THE 4:20S I DIDNT DO ALL AT ONCE
Randomize
