Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
Didn't get the job. Searched for my references on FB and saw the pic of me weighing my head passed out.
I smell like gasoline and adventure.
Sometimes I think I have so much sex with you to be sure you're actually straight.
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
I thought turtle was a code word for weed until he pulled out a baby turtle from his pocket and said "$20 for a turtle"
I like to take my ritalin one pill at a time with each pill spaced out a couple minutes so I feel like I'm going super saiyan when they kick in.
I left my pipe in my center console with a bowl packed when I took my car to the shop, and when I picked it up the weed had been smoked, but my oil change was only half price.
You kept saying you only wanted to drink until you were sleepy. You succeeded if "sleepy" means you sleepied around with 4/6 of the guys there.
I AM CRUING IT IS 93:2 AM AND I AM CYGIN INT BED
All the party invite said was a date and "21 to drink, 18ish to sleep over"
His mom finally got over her shame and smoked a bowl with us. Merry Christmas to all aka me.
Just let me put on a bra and brush the alcohol out of my hair.
Randomize
