There is a girl getting fingered on my left, a middle aged drink man smoking a bong and two girls flashing the cameras in front of me. I'm in the middle trying to maintain my innocence.
Really? You have stories that rival having a threesome with the two best friends of the guy your kinda seeing? Thats impressive.
I told him I would sleep with him if he could name all the colors of the wind.
she just took a shower. i'll probs go down on her to encourage shower taking. it's like pavlov, you know?
i walked into his room and he was eskimo kissing his weed..
Not a single person will look me in the eye. Last night must've been bad.
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
Drunk me needs to be reminded of my sexual preferences.
at least it wasnt animals
Why is your solution always to masturbate
Because it usually works
I had to give myself a suppository. That was the LEAST fun I've had inserting things in my ass.
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
may or may not have entered into a gay civil rights discussion with 6 year olds. Hint: I did.
I fought off a bull with my bare hands while he went off to have sex with her against a wall. I’m more upset about the fact that no one is acknowledging what I did.
Jack and I got in a huge fight at 6am. He fell asleep when I was giving him head so I freaked. We were both black out so I made a memo in my phone reminding me
I’m inviting a few of my favorite manwhores to a pool party. Bring booze and wear your banana hammock so Amy can see what I’m always talking about
Randomize
