after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
the next morning i told him i was impressed that he remembered my name. he said it wasn't that hard when "tracy
i wish i could swallow nair and shit it out and it would get rid of all my ass hair.
the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
Drinking bud light and eating rice cakes...this is the closest to getting in shape for spring break as its going to get.
Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
I had to physically hold you down to stop you from going out the window naked. You put up quit the struggle.
Also I climbed atop a mailbox with a toilet paper hat and a wolverine claw made of glowsticks, screaming at passers-by that they were going to die. Control me
I'm not really sure what went on in my mouth last night but right now it tastes like what I can only imagine is a mixture of astroglide and peanut butter. You hungry?
Serious question: Should I volunteer to get tazered? My instincts say no but my wild side says yes.
All I have done at work today is eat and try to get my coworker to tie me to his bed again
Sometimes I just want to serenade his penis with cheesy 80s songs.
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
I've finally given up enough on finals week to wear the same shirt three days in a row, because I didn't take my hoodie off for the first two.
There was puke outside of my classroom and lecture was half empty. Damn thirsty thursday is intense
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