Where are I am going home with Ryan
I don't know who this or Ryan is but it is probably too late to talk you out of it
Gordon Ramsey's restaurant in NY is $150 each for the chef's menu
So you're taking me there this weekend?
oh, looks like he just opened a new restaurant right by us- it's called "McDonald's". Must be scottish food.
How long is the appropriate time period between a pregnancy scare and breaking up with my girlfriend?
sometimes you just have to pull up your panties, blow a kiss to the security camera and walk out of the alley like nothing happened.
i dont even mind you always shaving my pubes when i pass out, i'm starting to find it liberating.
That's how I like my men: traumatized and crying in a ball
I'm eating lunchables with a glass of wine while I FaceTime the guy I lost my virginity to.
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos?
For real his Facebook page says he studied "sexual arts" at some random college I've never heard of. You've been warned.
How do I un-spend everything I bought last night? Seriously...was a penis shaped piñata and enough tequila to fill my bathtub really that necessary?
At least you can say you've literally dumped money down the drain
Apparently I thought every drink in my house needed to have a buddy so I put some vodka in each one. Long story short being wasted at work because the gatorade you brought is 60% liqour is not a great idea.
I woke up on the damn lawn again...it's not even summer yet
My nipples are YOUNG and they need TWISTING
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