So... 5th graders can't whisper for shit, but apparently I have an awesome rack.
Haha. Niice.
Yeah, I didn't know whether to be shocked or flattered.
both.
You don't know the meaning of what the fuck until you wake up naked and alone in someone's bed staring at a dead squirrel on their dresser.
Pre-order weed for 4/20 and i'll give you a discount.
At the party. I feel like I just walked into a lifesize blunt.
What can I say? When alcohol is my motivation, I can move mountains.
I have reverted to folding laundry while watching porn. how much sadder can my life get?
I think I maybe realized he was too old for me when I went into his bathroom and he had anti aging face cream.
Molly was fun. I was in a captain planet onesie in Wal-Mart talking to everyone haha
the kid next to me in math class is drawing gay porn. it's good, but that is beside the point
Tell me why i have 60 matches in 72 hours on tinder. Can i sell my tinder account like people used to sell their myspace pages and tumblrs when they had a lot of followers? Is that a thing?
Listen, some people have dreams, some people just want to cock slap a kangaroo
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
I feel like that japanese guy who ate all the hotdogs. Except replace hotdogs with sailor jerrys. And instead of a trophy and world record I just get a hangover at work
Im so unlucky if I fell in a barrel of dicks, I'd come our sucking my thumb
come on Dane.. ive been there. im like the female version of you, except with morals
Randomize
