Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
I want to make a porn site called "girls with daddy issues"
I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
did mom hear me barking???
oooooh yeah. good luck explaining that one
sooo high. sooo many dog friends
Happiness for him is a different happiness than you can supply cuz you have life standards, morals and goals that dont include the bar or beer everynight.
Listen. I don't care if its "nontoxic" im not putting it in my fucking vagina.
were you high?
When?
Actually just blanket yes to that question
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
Woke up, moved an empty handle of fireball to spit blood, then put the morning cigarette out in it.
Exactly best part of my night he took of his shirt and surprise traveler fanny pack
Sex with you deserves a trophy and a day of remembrance in honor of it.
I'd have to have a ring. Like I don't want to be called "the ex girlfriend that shit on me"
Wake up. Smoke. Masturbate while eggos cook. Go back to bed. Smoke. Body spray shower. Beer with breakfast. Class. Morning of a champion.
I just racked up a fucking ginormous hospital bill because I came so hard I had an asthma attack
Randomize