If I could pick any std, I would pick genital herpes. Seriously. Have you seen the commercials? The lady is riding a fucking bike, swimming, and on a date. I have a perfectly fine vag and all I do is go to the library.
its like think what a normal person would think but completely the opposite.
he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
Someone shattered a urinal.
Going out so taking the 2nd 1/2 of beer w/ me ont'tube in a Pringles tube. I give money to people on the street that have more self respect.
I can't even type what I drank. I'll throw up
Im like a hedgehog. Easy to corner or get within reach, but tough to get right close to. Like a rooster with its feathers surgically replaced with razors
FINALLY GOT MY TENTH DICK. PARTY FOREVER
The quality of my porn watching experience has significantly declined. Thanks shattered iphone screen
Nothing makes the walk of shame as great as disapproval from a mom getting ready for work
Pretty sure this ice cream truck is following me.
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
I appreciate the fact that you sent me a snapchat of your dick soaking in a cup of water.
My ex's girlfriend just invited me clubbing. Guess who won the breakup?
i woke up wearing a life jacket, holding on to a footlong hotdog, and had on a mr. hustle 1995 shirt on
good night
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