i didnt like the question options for my yahoo account..so i made up the question and it was "favorite bathroom to shit in"
I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
Just got a call from someone claiming to be my son . How do I initiate a conversation. Tell me about the last eighteen years. And by the way who is your mom again?
i found a twelve pack under my bed. and a six pack in my closet. I'm like a fucking alcoholic squirrel.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
Judging by her face, I'd say she's at least dabbled with meth...
She gave him a lap dance on the glass table. You can guess how that ended
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
So I just saw Jonah Hill at LAX and decided my fat fetish is back
You should go to counseling for that
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
When you hit the 45 minute mark of any argument about The Flintstones, you have to realize: it's no longer you arguing, it's the cocaine arguing.
Feeling better?
I can stand long enough to do the dishes finally. Been trying that all day.
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
Well I've made a drinking game out of the Wiggles but I think I've got this babysitting thing down
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
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