im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.
just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
who loves string cheese????? I LOVE STRING CHEESE!!!
you know...if you didn't give such great head little things like this would ruin our friends with benefits relationship.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he peed on his own floor last night after we left the bar. pretty much sums up how i feel about the evening
Listen to me plotting my whoredom.
accidentally stumbled into a construction site at 3am on the way home. The bulldozer was locked so we had to settle for rerouting traffic with all the orange cones...
Hey..um, you dont know me, but I just found your purse in a bush at the end of my street this morning
It wasn't like a party or anything. They played PlayStation and talked about sports. Then I threw up on his porch.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm missing a sock, a boot, and antlers. We need to get on that.
Getting stoned and sitting front row in a legal class.. Not my best idea
hey now, it was 6 bucks for 5 shots. you would have lost your panties too.
I convinced a girl making out is a secret handshake
I'm a great relationship counselor. My vagina will let you know if your relationship is gonna work or not.
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
Randomize