Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
Wow anytime a scalper has i need tix written on the back of a franzia box thats a trusted seller
He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick.
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
I was trying to climb into what I thought was a bunk bed.. Turns out it was just a cabinet under the sink in a bathroom
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
The 3 year old I'm babysitting is the first guy to tell me he loves me sober in like 2 years
I know. I feel like I should be doing mature responsible adult things though. Like getting loans, working 60 hours every week and not eating burritos in bed, ya know?
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
At IHOP. It feels weird and sad that your cleavage isn't here for me to try to toss paper wads into.
I woke up with what appeared to be LSD in my pocket. Know anything about this?
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
I wanted to say, you're welcome for your orgasms, thanks for not returning the favor, Needledick
twas supposed to be night one of rebound break but it was night one of get sloppy drunk and dance half naked in an ice shack
Randomize
