I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
We saw some woman wearing leather pants. It was weird. We have decided to follow her on her travels to see where people go in leather pants in Michigan.
He's still on the phone with him. This is unnatural. Dudes don't call other dudes just to talk.
You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
there is no way i can order from that cashier at in n out after she tried helping me while i was drunkenly puking in their bathroom at 11 am
I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
Lame. Party is tapping out at 4am. Even chanting "USA" didn't rally them.
STD scares really help you understand the whole six degrees of separation thing...
who started the 'put a scrunchy' around his balls' game?
You have mono. It's like being pregnant, your are excused from normal social niceties like responding to people.
I just need you to appreciate that this is the first time I've ever been cut off and it's at an airport bar in Philly before 1 o'clock in the afternoon.
Welp... sober this am and I still have a parrot.
Hey do you or anyone you know want to get drunk for free? At 4pm tonight at rctc for field sobriety training for future cops
I was trying to decide if i was still high whenever i realized i was pressing the buttons on the microwave cause i liked the sound.
Randomize
