I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
In Canada she would be a 10 but here in America she's only a 7
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
i don't know what happened by from the looks of her lipstick I'd say she was skull fucked by a rhino
I think it got a little awkward for her when my dad walked in on us and did nothing except leave half of his pizza on the table for us.
Ok fuckface listen up and listen good. 1.calling dibs on a chick out of your league is like applying for a job with a highlight video 2. dont fucking ski down the stairs again 3. if you do, put it on your highlight video
Got head last night. Had the 3D glasses on the whole time.
I'm actually kinda upset that we didn't consider velcro-ing detachable capes to our clothes before this moment.
I've had my dick out in public way too much for someone my age...
We're friends with benifits... The benifits being I'm fucking her boyfriend
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
Thanks for ruining my life with your man penis
Quit giving me a hard time, whens the last time you got head every night? Cougars are where its at they dont play games
Only good thing about the 50 Shades is that it is now completely OK to call a credit card co to dispute the charge for nipple clamps that didnt arrive.
Randomize
