my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
My mom just informed me that my dog licks their toes while her and my dad are having sex. I'm apartment searching.
i love how i spend my mornings exploring my phone to see what i did last night.
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
I'm doing shots of jagger in dixi cups and making a lesson plan for my 8th grader summer school class. My life is so close to adulthood I can taste it
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
What can i say, i'm an artist. I think deep thoughts. In between the homoerotica and pterodactyl noises
Dude. There are selfies on my phone of me, wide-eyed, sucking my pillow. We did NOT split that bag 50/50.
Justin just used the term "industrial strength colon blow".
Dipping my sugar cookies in a glass of fireball and creme soda. This is holiday spirit
Shut the fuck up! I can hear you having sex over Pirates of the Caribbean you moaning whore.
sorry for the late response. was in jail for 6 months.
So I have three weeks to get rid of his girlfriend and fuck him senseless before he goes to jail
One can only be this extremely wet once a year and I feel like I'm bitch slapping god by not using this gift he has bestowed on me.
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize
