he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
Question: does he have any sense of self image? He looks slightly like he crawled out of the Euphrates after living as a fish for 20 years
I have no idea. I woke up naked on someones toilet locked in the bathroom with two baby kittens.
He went around feeding all the high kids pretzels. He's like their god now
at the end of the day, college isnt gonna be for everyone... and some of us are just going to have to learn how to breathe underwater while sucking cock.
I should start wearing my Batman shirt more often when I drink. Good things happen. All sorts of shit.
I wish I got like a congrats basket for being a responsible sexually active member of society complete with condoms, tissues and lollipops.
I can already feel the hangover I'll be having on New Year's Day. I don't know if I'm prepared for this.
Normally roommates threatening each other with knives would be too much crazy for me, but I don't have much going on right now and I feel like this could get interesting. So I think I'm gonna ride this shit out for a while.
I vote we just hike, drink, and destroy dick
Talked a police officer into driving us the 1/2 mile home from the bars because we didn't want to walk. I never knew the back of cop Cars had plastic seats.
There is a couple fucking in the outback bathroom and at first I thought it was sick but than I remembered my Outback fantasy with you and decided I can't pass judgements.
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
i literally have the attention span of a weasel on steroids, but yeah, i know who you’re talking about.
Randomize
