I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
words of advice: black light parties reveal cum stained clothing.
four guys that i have slept with have come into my job today. FOUR. i feel like it's like bring your sex partners to work day.
I'm blazed about to take my 8am final. Another girl is too. We just looked each other in the eyes. She's my soul sister.
it was all good until he screamed "for fraaannnceee" on his last thrust
Youre the drunk baby that everyone wants to take care of.
How do you tell an ex that banging less hot chicks than me is highly insulting? I almost want to try and get him laid with a pretty girl just to save some face for dating him so long.
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
So that 100 days of sobriety thing I told you about last week? Lasted all of 4 days. Fuck it, life's too short
I needed 3am water. Not 3am shots of rum.
Just an fyi, you also tried to wrangle a peacock last night.
enjoying your night?
do dogs like to salsa?
I dont know if that answers my question or not
She is still drunk from the night before, sitting here eating KFC mashed potatoes and drinking Arbor Mist before Anatomy lab.
dude kate found out i cheated and busted in while i was taking a shit. I was cornered, nothing i could do
so drinking tonight?
Be there in 15
Randomize
