When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
I've officially moved beyond college drinking. I just got business drunk at an internship seminar.
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
I just brushed my teeth. In the car. With watered down Sprite. From Saturday. Multi-tasking at its finest.
Well, now that you have a gf, its gonna be awkward when I get drunk and make out with you..... Then later, pretend like I don't remember.
she got the mcdonald's logo tattooed on her ass. sober. yesterday at noon.
She doesn't even know his real name...he just keeps calling himself Hans the Third
Not at all! I'll let your potential employer know you have a huge dick
MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.
He left me alone in a hotel room my last night in town to go home to jerk off and watch TV. So yeah, I guess we're not really friends.
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
what the fuck happened to the tacos
Randomize
