Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
I managed to lose everything but my socks.. which stayed on all 6 times we had sex.
Check Facebook. Random dude tagged us in photos from last night dancing at Denny's while eating a sampler platter. 1. How does he have our names, and 2. You said we ate at Tbell.
it's been dubbed the summer of antibiotics
She's an honest to god fucking ballerina. She did things I don't have names for.
Just threw up in front of the Boy Scouts on my base. Welcome to the Navy kids.
We decided it was acceptable to walk out of class on a quest for Doritos. That high.
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
If you don't let me come over I'm gonna call you on speaker and you have to listen to her scream and moan too
You know it was a good night when you're lying on the couch in your pjs at 4pm having a pitcher of ice water for breakfast.
I don't know if trying Molly for the first time before my flight was an awesome or aweful idea
He's probably the biggest I've seen outside of the porn I vehemently deny watching and he asks if I think he's too small
It's like the first time your mom catches you masturbating. We both know what she saw. We're just not talking about it...
I'm actually kind of scared about the prospect of us living together. We're just going to eat pizza and drink wine before retiring to our rooms with vibrators
Nothing has ever been more true. Ever.
I’ve got a lot of questions but the first one has to be where you got the flame thrower.
Randomize
