cruising supermarkets, asking random people where i can get weed. fuck alaska
she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
I'm surrounded by 3 year olds in tutus. They are far too innocent to be within at least 500 ft of me.
imagine how many guys you'd have sex if you didn't recieve your monthly gift.
He put up a Facebook album attempting to sell off their Harvard furniture. Items for sale include: his friend, a broken lamp, an item described as a 'carpet and/or sleeping bag', a pair of paint stained cargo pants, size 'Tyler', and a self proclaimed $3 bottle of wine, which he is offering for $2
She just locked herself in the bedroom with an unopened bottle of wine and a steak knife. Unfortunately for her fingers, I stopped giving a fuck two hours ago.
Just make it a game! Like 20 questions STD style.
For real, I've been ditched by my boyfriend twice today alone. I fucking shaved for this guy.
Somewhere out there, Gloria Steinem just started to cry.
I just had to kick out lesbian wedding crashers. They literally wanted to punch me. I threatened to call the cops so they went outside and smoked a joint.
Can I join you for some emotional "Post: The Ohio State University's first lose in football after a 24 game winning streak" sex?
May the power of my ass compel you!!
I've finally given up enough on finals week to wear the same shirt three days in a row, because I didn't take my hoodie off for the first two.
Would it be weird if I bought knee pads and shin guards to fuck in my car?
I came so hard my ears popped.
We free pour in this house. Measuring alcohol is for the weak
Randomize
