I had a dream last night, there was a gumball machine that was filled with Oxycontin. I would try to get some but got vitamins instead. I was so frustrated!! woke up angry.
Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
Also, at 1:30 I emailed myself saying, "are you there Margaret? It's me, god"
I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
I dont care what I am for halloween, as long as i'm not a father after
Those titties aren't worth a lifetime of listening to her talk about gluten free yams and japanese manga.
Hit a new low. I'm FB stalking him while he is lying in bed sleeping naked next to me. He fell asleep with FB still open and unlocked on his iPad.
i swear to god if you did anything to my honey bunches ill remove all the oats and shove them up your dickhole then play pinata with my foot to knock them all back out
Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it
I walked into a room this morning and someone asked how my back was because I apparently threw myself off the porch after attempting to set myself on fire. Who the fuck let drunk me play with fire?!
Better question: who the fuck planted a tree next to the porch?!
He wins the giant teddy bear for getting the neuva ring on the dick
I'm never going to adult. I'm staying a child. The only thing related to adult that I want to do is you.
His dick is a spiritual experience and meditation is very important to me.
Just for future reference. Do not do zumba while stoned out of your mind.
He makes bad life choices and drives a wagon, how is that not my type?
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