if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
Encyclopedia Brown and the case of the missing condom.
I hope Brown isn't a clue to its whereabouts.
..now you can marry chaz and be in cher's family..
yeah n i dont have to pretend to be into chicks to do it now...
good call on bringing her. it's always good to invite chicks who mix booze and prescription drugs.
def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table
he was grinding on you and dedicated the song "I'm in Love With a Stripper" to you then started taking his own clothes off
Just please never masturbate in my bed again. I'm burning my sheets as I write this.
Make sure your heart doesn't explode. These are words of wisdom.
I need to have some sort of hot sex experience in a mask.
You might call them booze related cuts, I call it "partying so hard you sweat blood"
but, alas, I am not the lady in the streets. I'm simply the freak in the sheets.
I don't know how to say "Sorry I was banging your boyfriend before I knew about you but you're awesome and we should hang out." without just saying it.
i cant believe the cop was fine with you saying no we are in a hurry when he asked to search your car
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