This dress was meant to end up on your floor
cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
I learned much from the teen babysitter: I can light a cigarette in a microwave.
The project manager just came into talk to me for the first time and I had justed googled best drum solo ever and couldn't X out of the screen.
angela screamed across the room SHES A CHAMP when i told the pharmacist plan b doesnt make me throw up
Two kids are drinking pounders in class. I think I'm hanging out with the wrong group of friends.
I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
today i learned why jack sparrow loved rum so fucking much
I was so scared, I actually heard my grandmother's voice in my head saying if I get pregnant, then my vagina will fall off. And then I'm going to die.
We sold so many girl scout cookies when we were little. What went wrong?
You put your name in his phone but not your number then screamed "Open the door!" and jumped out of the car
Thanks to you and Ketel One I now have a court summons with the actual word "frolicking" on it.
Like will they card me for my own whiskey in shampoo bottles?
How do you politely tell someone to get out of your house in Russian
Gave her a puke bucket just in case. She filled the bottom of it with tears. Super sad. Although I am super proud she didn't puke. That was a lot of Fireball.
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