last nights makeup is better than no makeup at all.
We had sex on a ferris wheel in canada, our relationship will never be the same
I was so high I thought there were pigeons in my room. Long story short there are now donut crumbs all around my bedroom.
You're the only person i know who can laugh and talk while puking
I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
I hid drinks in her bathroom closet.... like a squirrel... a squirrel who knew she was going to get cut off soon
Caught in the act of lying. Lipstick literally all over his dick. He tried to make some story about darkwing duck or some shit but failed to realize he is a complete moron.
im in the library and there's this guy on a computer just staring at a google image of beer. finals week is rough.
I just took what could be the most awkward shit in my life, which considering my definition of awkward and my experiences shitting, is pretty fucking awkward.
...
I was sitting there doing my business and the guy in the stall next to me banged on the stall and asked me how to spell picnic because he wasn't sure.
Notice how both of our plans for hooking up with these guys involve getting them drunk?
Oh my God, we're like men but with great boobs.
All I know is I drank too much, danced too little.. yet somehow woke up on the floor in the arms of some cowboy.
Today I learned I and my bar naps were the subject of a bar meeting.
I passed out drunk in her bed. Her boyfriend showed up and told me to go to the other room or we were gonna have a threesome. I threw up off the side of her bed and left. I feel like that was an adequate response.
Nothing like walk of shaming to the bus stop in your bar clothes at noon and seeing the fire truck you work on drive past with the other shift giving you thumbs up.. Brotherhood at its finest
I got a pots and pans set and a vibrator. Merry Crisis.
Randomize
