I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
Every time a guy reaches down to touch my vag, i feel really sorry for all the transgender girls who still have a penis there.
That's weird cause every time i feel a girls vag i feel way worse for all the guys who reached down there and got a penis.
you know what scares the shit out of me? i have eaten bagel bites since i was a little kid and just in the past five years they started puting "made with real cheese" WHAT THE FUCK WERE THEY USING BEFORE? i mean ive been a bagel biter since the womb
Someone obviously heard us on their way to class. They stopped at my door and started singing afternoon delight.
Yeah, well I just made $600 while taking a shut cause two diff clients called while I was in here. Tell me being a lawyer doesn't kick ass.
Jen's arm is stuck between a wall and her bed. She's naked and needs someone to go help her.
From russia with love. But also with chlamydia.
I kept calling him escargot instead of Estaban..I don't think that was the wisest choice.
The best part of that night wasn't even the sex, it was listening to her explain to her boyfriend why she was naked in her room while I hid in her closet.
I got really high and googled the history of Amish people for like an hour.
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
He turned on read receipts specifically so i'd know he was ignoring me.
Wandering around the streets of Baltimore at two in the afternoon. Just offered a job as a stripper. Think I should accept?
Try an internship first, see if you enjoy it.
Looks like the opera singer hook up is paying off. Ran into the MILF from 407 and she said “your lady friend sounded like a very lucky girl.”
Randomize
