At barnes & noble, drinking beer out of thermoses, lookin legit.
Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think the taxi driver just requested me on facebook..... his name was george right?
You put your shot glass in your waistband and then told me how convinent it was.
My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.
I fucking hate you.
That moment when you cant decide between eating spaghetti or a Popsicle for breakfast
I'll ask around, all of my friends have girlfriends now for the most part though so they're all dead inside
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I am going to go Miley Cyrus crazy if I don't get sex soon
Headline in the alligator: young zeta goes berserk after lack of sex and is found naked swinging from wrecking ball on university ave, refuses to get down until sex partner is found
Is it too early in the day to be getting dressed for the strip club?
This is not my bathroom and these are not my pants
I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.
You're a mystery wrapped in an enigma wrapped in a redhead
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